Listening-Part 3

This is another post on Listening. In a world full of noise and distraction, I believe we are losing the art of Listening to each other. I watch my children text while talking to me and each other. I watch people having coffee with each other, mobile phone on the cafe table ready and waiting….which says to the other person, you come second if this phone rings. If we all felt really heard, how transformed would we be, how loved would we feel?

I have a friend who is totally unable to ignore her phone. It is almost obsessional. I can be talking to her on the phone and beeps will occur, telling her someone else is trying to get through and she will ask me to hold on, while she takes the other call. I finally asked if she would mind if when speaking with me, she did not ask me to wait while she took up another call. My view is, we can only field one call at a time, so the other person can and will ring back if it important enough. If she does it again, I will simply choose to hang up and not be there when she returns to continue our conversation. The other night when I went out with her, she actually even told me that I had a message on my phone and asked if I wanted to get it.  I had not even heard the message beep. “No” I replied, “I will get it later when I am at home and after my time with you is over. You are more important to me right now”

This may sound confronting because it is, because I am daring to say, this moment, right now, with you and I, needs to be prioritized. I choose you.

Another Poem on Listening:

When I am with you

Pay me the courtesy

of your undivided attention

If I sense you moving away from me

You will not hear of my struggles

As I’ll already know you have no space for them

I am bleeding

I need healing

Where can I go?

If I talk it out

Will I lose you?

Will it be too much?

Will I bore you?

Will you wish you were elsewhere?

I watch your attention

Its focused on a two by four space

Not me

Someone else

I curl up inside

Pull the covers over

I am gone from you

And you don’t even know it

But then

You can’t even know yourself

You are not at home.

The silence of sunset

 

The silence of the freshly blooming flower.

The overwhelming silence and beauty of the desert

Thank you all for reading and know that I love and appreciate your comments. Regards Leanne

 

About mindfulness4now

Hello and welcome. I am mother, step mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. My passions are my spirituality, life and people, reading, meditation and mindfulness, writing/journalling. I also love food, coffee, photography, and travel(near,far and off-road). I also have an interest in health(especially mental health). Welcome to my musings on life's journey.
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15 Responses to Listening-Part 3

  1. Marianne says:

    Leanne, well said! 🙂

  2. Couldn’t agree with you more Leanne. This is a pet peeve of mine, people choosing to prioritize their phone over face to face interaction. Or people put us on call waiting when the other caller is not an emergency. I could understand if the call waiting was super duper important but if the person is more or less a regular friend they could call back later.

    Why do so many people use technology to shut out the very people their interacting with in the moment for the promise of someone else being more exciting? Perhaps it is more like they want to seem important and a touch of narcissism is involved. Likely they don’t realize it though. So us who want undivided attention are seen as ‘selfish’ or bad at ‘sharing’ time. Well last time I checked it wasn’t selfish to want to have a friend pay attention to you if you arranged to meet up with them or they phoned you. I love technology but sometimes mobile phones and call waiting really tick me off!

    Bravo to you for confronting your friend on her use of technology and how you feel when you’re with her using it, instead of talking to you. I used to have a friend that was a narcissist, we don’t talk anymore, but when we did she had a very bad habit of treating me like I was someone to be taken for granted. I can remember being on the phone with her and having her get a beep then start talking with the other person and forget me for so long I’d end up hanging up! It was a major pain. So I can definitely empathize with your frustration. Listening is a lost art these days.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I have to say, I love this friend and have a very strong relationship with her. I defintely wouldn’t care if she were waiting on an important call because with five children, I have done this very thing…put a phone on the table because I knew they’d be calling for a lift…but I explained it to whomever I was with and apologized. I know my friend well enough to know there is no ‘critical’ call coming and that a level of narcissism is involved in her need to not miss one call….and in this is her inability to stay in the moment…she is rarely fully present and I accept this about her but I also, as her friend, will not be a partner to the maladaptive and ‘unintentionally rude’ behaviour. So I make my stand with love and as a lesson, though she may not change….that’s her right. And my choice is to continue to be her friend and accept this about her. I’m so glad you allowed me to expalin this further, by adding your comment.

  3. Dilip says:

    Listening intently is a great virtue. It reflects a persons humility and makes the other feel good. The pictures depicting ‘silence’ are beautiful.
    Regards.

  4. I think you’re right. There is an etiquette with phones, and putting it on the table is a breach of it!!!!

  5. Maria Sawszak says:

    Well said Leanne. I see it so often in coffee shops, restaurants, public places – why do they put the mobile on the table ? The art of listening – so many need lessons.

  6. jackie376 says:

    Leanne, this is amazing! Beautiful photos, thoughts, advice, and a very touching poem…

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