I am sitting remembering a moment from years and years ago when I followed an older couple around a shop. They didn’t know they were being followed. They still have no idea they were a role model for a young mother who had just walked out on an unhealthy marriage. My marriage was not abusive but it had died due to dishonesty and lack of trust, which emanated from a gambling addiction. I was suffering a deep grief from so many losses; loss of my marriage, decimation of my belief that my marriage was forever; my twins loss of a dual parent marriage and the potential loss of my house and car due to the debts wracked up by my ex-husband (this was the house and car I had paid for by studying, working and saving hard, as my ex had had no money when I married him, for obvious reasons in hindsight). To make matters worse, I had no job, at this point because I was raising my one year old twins.
It was the Christmas season and I was out trying to excavate some level of Christmas cheer, from my sub-zero level of interest. All around were decorations and heat seeking present buying missiles. I was more like a drowned cat in a storm, seeking refuge under shelter. Then this couple passed by and stopped on the other side of the shelf of goodies I was examining and I heard the way he spoke with her in such loving and obliging terms. He was treating his wife like the precious partner she was, like nothing was too much trouble. She in return was gracious and appreciative and looked at him with eyes full of tenderness. I just listened from the other side of display stands, mouth hanging open, shocked that that much graciousness, kindness, compassion and love could exist in a marriage, let alone one of such long term (as clearly they were not newly weds). I had forgotten, lost my vision of marriage and my interest in it. Up until that moment, I had not been present that day, instead I had been locked away in my world of pain, re-visiting the dismal past and more dismal future. No benefit was had from that, in fact, all it did was to re-elevate my stress levels.
Then I heard their conversation through this fog and immediately I came home to the present moment. Pathetically, I followed them around as they moved from one display to the other, just breathing in the beauty of their communication and way of being. I felt a sadness for myself but also a sense of joy that such love could exist.
That elderly couple enhanced my vision and regard of marriage, reminding me of what was possible, of how wonderful it could be. This moment also tells me that, I never know who I am, unwittingly, influencing to think, do and be better, so I must make every moment count and to do that, I must first be present in the moment. I need to try to bring my best self to every moment and act with love and kindness and generosity of spirit. If I fail, I need to forgive myself and try again, this too is an aspect of being and loving. I thank that couple for the lesson that day and I thank God for the couple.
Thanks for visiting and I wish you all well. Leanne